I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
