Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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