Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We don't watch enough power rangers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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