Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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