I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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