I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
