so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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