I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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