Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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