How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
