He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
