There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
