I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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