SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
