I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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