we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
