what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
