So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
