Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
