i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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