I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
