she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
