Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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