dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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