Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
