So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
