I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
