Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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