He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
