I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
