Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
