why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize