I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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