Sry I called you an 8
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
