The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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