I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
