I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
