You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
