Sry I called you an 8
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
