I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
