3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
