He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
