That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize