ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
