what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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