no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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