Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
