I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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