The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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