Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
