I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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