Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
