____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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