Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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