We won't sleep together?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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