I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
