Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
