Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
