Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
