Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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