this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
