His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
