Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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