I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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