Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
