I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
