She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
