haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So vagazzling was a success
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
