Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
