Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just pee around me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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