Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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