guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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